I think I may be nuts, but...

I'm trying the old dating thing again. Surely any of you that keep track of me on Facebook are painfully aware of the fact that I am ridiculously crazy over a certain guy we shall call RG. If you don't know why we call him that, then you have not been paying attention and ignorance is your punishment.

In addition to RG, I have also had the opportunity to date a few other people. One date was aborted by me at the last minute for reasons that I will not go into here. Oh heck, who am I kidding? I'm totally going to go into it here! He's guano crazy. Incidentally, if you don't know what guano is, look it up as I may use it again. :) Anyway, here's the thing...I want to get married some day, I really do. I possibly/probably want to have babies when I do get married. But I do not want to talk about possible future offspring with someone I've just met...and I certainly don't want to hear about how cute our babies would be. And that's just the beginning...

I read somewhere or was told somewhere that when a man tells you something such as "I'm really not interested in a serious relationship right now" or even "I am an emotionally unavailable a-hole," (don't we wish guys would just tell us this?) we should believe them. I may have blogged about this in years past, so I may be repeating myself, but ladies...seriously...its true. If a guy tells you something negative about himself, believe him! Well, I discovered that men may need the same tip about women, so here it goes: Men, if a woman says "I really like having my own space, my time to myself. I'm not looking to get involved with someone that I need to see every day or even every other day...I'd rather see them once a week or so at this point," (or, ok, if she says somethig along these lines, because what really are the odds she'll say those exact words?) she means it. This is not a good time for you to say things like: "Its so cool that we live near each other so I can come over and we can cuddle and watch movies!" Ummm...no, no we cannot. In addition, offers of cuddling generally should not come before we've even had a first date. Plus, I hate when men use the word cuddle. Or snuggle. I don't know why, but it really makes me look at them as kind of...wimpy. However, I do like to cuddle. How about cuddling just happens without them having to name it? Yes?

So anyway, all this weird talking about cuddling and having babies happened by phone the night before what was to be our first date. I was already feeling hesitant because I really was interested in RG and didn't want to go out with anyone else, and this just sealed the deal. So I cancelled. At the last minute. By text. Yes, I am a rotten human being.

Moving on: During this same time I was communicating via email with another guy who we shall call Will. Will is a friend of my friend's brother, and it was kind of a set-up situation. I really enjoyed Will's emails so we decided we would meet up for coffee. We had a good time and continued the evening with dinner. I really enjoyed his company, so even though I felt no romantic spark I decided to go on a second date with him in hopes that sparks would develop. Again I had a wonderful time, but no sparks on my side. He was great to be with, planned dates well, was a total gentleman, I really like him...but I don't like him like him. I was honest and let him know that I just wasn't feeling it. We've been trying to be friends, but I think he still has his hopes set on us being a couple, so I'm not sure how well this will all work out.

Now, on to my favorite topic: RG. I am guano crazy over this guy (told you I'd use it again). I can't remember the last time I got this insanely giddy about a man...maybe never. By that I don't mean "he's the one!" or anything nearly so codependent or red flag-raising, I just mean that its a different reaction I have to him physically than I recall having before. Whenever I talk to him I can't stop smiling. Seriously, my cheeks hurt from it. In addition to the smile is the crazy blush that spreads across my face. I have these reactions whether he's in front of me, on the phone, or texting me. The really pathetic part is that it happens even when I'm just talking about him to someone else. I wonder if this will eventually go away? I also get butterflies in my stomach when: he texts me, he calls me, he is anywhere in my general vicinity, or (and here's the pathetic part)if I THINK about texting him, calling him, seeing him. What is WRONG with me?

We are taking things fairly slow...we are trying to build a good friendship as a basis for anything in the future, but we've both acknowledged that we want more. And we kiss. :) So this could be a drawn-out process, and that's ok with me most of the time. Occassionally I get frustrated because I'd really like to see him more, but honestly this is the best way to go for both of us, and I'm happy about where we are and what the future may hold. At the same time, I am not getting ahead of myself and I am not investing so much of my heart that if things go awry I'll fall apart. I am really happy about how I'm taking this situation and with how easy it is for me to talk to him about these things. We have great communication and he is really a good man (I believe).

Here's hoping...in the meantime, I'm having a lot of fun!