It's All Subjective

Lately there have been several people in my orbit that have said things to me about former struggles with weight. It comes up innocently in regular conversation, and its not a problem at all...but I find one aspect of it unsettling. There are two people I know who have mentioned their all-time high weight to me. They mention it in a "I was really fat once," way. As in "at my wedding, I was ___ pounds, the biggest I've ever been, and I refuse to even look at my wedding pictures." And, "I've started to gain a little bit of weight again, and I don't want to get back to ____ like I used to be." Both of these women are beautiful, both of them are wonderful people who I know were not trying to hurt me or anything. But...this super high weight at which they were "fat," "a whale," etc? The exact weight I am right now. I don't know whether to be super offended or just flattered that apparently I do not look like I weigh what I do. Realistically, I realize that I do not look as heavy as I am. If people were to guess my weight honestly, they generally guess about 25-35 pounds less than I actually am. When I was weighed at the doctor's office they were shocked. I wear a size 2 to 3 times smaller than other women my weight wear. So I realize these ladies were not trying to hurt me or embarrass me or anything of the sort. But it kind of did.

So, I have this theory as to why I look smaller than I am, are you ready? Strange fat storage locations and heavy bones. Well, the first isn't really a theory, it's reality...the second is total conjecture. My sister was in Utah for a family reunion last year (my dad's side of the family), and she spoke with some of our cousins. Apparently many, my sister included, have this odd body issue as well, where they weigh more than they appear to. So there must be something about us that weighs more than the average person...and I'm going with bones. Maybe I should go with brains instead though...that sounds way more impressive. :)

Ok, so, you may be wondering about my strange fat storage comment. Here it goes, my ugly little secret: I store fat in weird places. For example: my calves. "Ha!" Many of you are probably thinking, "everyone stores fat in their calves!" Well, my darlings, I am not everyone, and so I store my calf fat in the back AND the front. Yes, the FRONT of my calves are strangely fat. No one believes me until I show them...then there is awed silence. I'm not kidding. I also have a fat back. It is disproportionate to the size of the rest of my body (well, except my calves, of course). Also, I am willing to admit that my ta-tas are not small. The day my sister put my bra on her head only to find that one cup did in fact fit her like a large skull cap would, I died a little inside. These girls weigh A LOT. When you combine this with my heavy bones *er* brain, I think this accounts for my actual weight vs my appearance.

Anyway, my whole convoluted point is that everything is subjective. When someone smaller than you talks about how they are "fat," or what not, just take it in stride. I used to be SO offended by it, thinking, "if she thinks SHE is fat, she must think I'm a freaking elephant!" This is not really true...it's all subjective. A person who has spent their whole life being thin or of average weight will feel "fat" at a point when, to me, they look perfect. I have known people larger than myself who I would insist were gorgeous all the while cutting myself down as disgustingly obese. We're our own worst critics, and I'm willing to bet that most of us think we are far less lovely to look at than we really are. I have a new goal of wearing shorts this summer, fat calves be damned! We shall see how this plays out. :)