I find you stunning, but you are running me down

Oh the saga of RG* continues.

The idea that RG and I are just friends is absolutely laughable. We totally have expectations of each other that no one legitimately has of a friend, we blush and smile like idiots whenever we see each other, and amillionotherthingsImayelaborateonlater. I swing back and forth between, "I'm totally ok with just being friends," and, "I could punch you in the face, you idiot! Will you just tell me you love me already?"

Last night we had plans to get together. Aspects of the plan changed and I was very** upset with him about it. After venting for much longer than necessary to my wonderful best friend, I adjusted my attitude, decided not to cut off my nose to spite my face, and headed over for our very-different-than-originally-planned evening. I was still pretty upset, but the minute I pulled in the driveway and saw him standing there, his face lit up like a kid on Christmas and mine followed suit. WHY can't I stay mad at this man? Ever!?! I see him and all the tension in my body just dissolves instantly. It helps that he noticed my new hair do and told me it looked pretty. ;)

So, we had a wonderful night of watching random stuff on Netflix, eating microwave popcorn he had to make on the stovetop in a pot, and laughing with (at?) each other. All of that was great, but the best part? That we talked. We always spend a good portion of our time together just talking about anything and everything. In 7 months we've never once run out of things to say. I told him that I had been upset earlier, and that it was an ongoing issue. We were able to talk about it the way I've always wanted to be able to communicate with a man. To be able to tell him that I am upset with him, that he has hurt me, and to have him respond not only non-defensively, but to tell me thank you for telling him and how glad he is that we can talk about everything??? It's incredible. I feel so lucky to have him in my life, even just as a friend. Ultimately, though, I'm fooling myself if I believe we are in fact "just friends." He said as much himself last night: "You and I both know that's not what's really going on here, and not where it's going to end up." It's not said to keep each other hanging on, it's just a glaringly obvious fact that we both pretend we're not aware of. I can't (read: won't) say where I think "it's going to end up," but yeah...I'm sure most of you can figure it out.

Yet my mind, if not always my heart, stays open to the possibility that there may be someone else out there that could make me feel just as wonderful. And so I'm open to dating other people, or I tell myself I am...but everytime I have the opportunity I come up with some reason why I shouldn't even bother. I convince myself that I'm just waiting for a man who's awesome enough to make me take that leap...and I'm pretty sure it's true. Mmmhmm.

There is so much more going on in my life right now...and yet...this is all I feel like blogging about. Sorry it was lame and boring. And somewhat pathetic.




*Refering to him as RG is becoming such a habit, I almost called him "RG" to his face yesterday. I have no idea how I'd explain that one. I think, "Oh, that's the nickname we made up for you so that I could write all about you on Facebook and Blogger," would probably not go over so well. Not only is it somewhat disconcerting in a "oh my gosh, Jessica is insane and possibly a stalker," way, but he also hates social media sites, and would not like that I talk about him on it at all. Of course, that IS the point behind the moniker "RG" in the first place, so shouldn't he be thankful?

**Very, very, VERY. Extremely. Irrationally.